Omae nanka, nigitte yaru!*

*I will fucking squish you into a little brick of rice suitable for sushi, ass-face! (loosely translated)

I am currently in love with two Japanese TV dramas. Unlike back in 'merica, series here only run for one season, during which they tell a complete story (this is why Naoya gets so frustrated with Lost, which he suspects will never have a satisfying ending). The first of my loves, Hana Zakari No Kimitachi E (Tuesdays at 9 on Fuji TV), is the story of a girl who impersonates her male friend and enters a high school for hot boys (and ONLY hot boys) and then falls in love with her roommate. The school nurse is gay and thus recognized her instantly for what she was, but was intrigued and decided not to rat her out. One of the subplots involves a boy who falls in love with her (and gets a nosebleed every time she does something effeminate) and begins trying to accept himself as a homosexual. Every episode also features some kind of competition when the top guys of the school try to prove that they are the sexiest, such as when they recently competed to see who could bring the most sexy girls to a beach party. I am convinced that the main character is perhaps the most obvious girl in the history of cross-dressing, but Naoya says that there were boys in his high school who looked like that.

Second is Sushi Oji, The Prince of Sushi (TV Asahi, Friday at 10, I think), the catch phrase of which is the title of this post. Sushi Oji is the story of a boy who abandons his family's tradition of becoming sushi masters in order to become a karate champion, but destiny inevitably draws him back into the seedy world of competitive sushi-ing. There's a lot of fighting and magical martial-arts action, such as Sushi Oji's father using a battle stance to shape a sushi out of a poop and a leaf. I haven't watched this show often enough to know everything (it's hard to stay home and watch TV on Friday night), but apparently fish eyes drive Sushi Oji into a battle frenzy. In last week's episode, he was about to be attacked by 10 bad guys when his assistant through a tuna head at him. His fury reached new levels and his battle power caused a solar eclipse. Sushi Oji is played by Koichi Domoto, one half of Japan's ugliest and lamest boyband, KinKi Kids, a name which is much less exciting than it sounds.