This video has everything.

Otsuka Ai - CHU-LIP
Video sent by Sutibu

Urinals, vaginal orifices, air guitarists, who could ask for anything more? This video --CHU-LIP by Otsuka Ai-- actually came out some time ago, but some of us don't have cable and can't see these things until our boyfriends tell us we had better look them up.

I wish I had a boyband.

Japan is a wonderland of boybands, nearly all ruled over by the ominous Johnny's Entertainment. They have boy bands with anywhere from two to ten members aged anywhere from their early teens to their early thirties, and they also have an army of hundreds (thousands?) of singing, dancing boys in reserve, just waiting for a chance to debut. The most popular boybands get their own TV shows, but none compare to my beloved SMAP (Sports Music Assemble People), who have a veritable entertainment empire spanning TV shows, movies, commercials, voiceover work, English textbooks, sports commentating and really, really terrible pop music. I love them, and my greatest wish is to one day be a guest on the show where they cook a gourmet meal based on whatever genre or ingredient the guest requests. Here I have posted a video from a recent episode of SMAPxSMAP featuring the BSB (they always sing with their musical guests), so that you can get a glimpse of just how effective the SMAP English textbook really is, and how talented they really are. Also, one of them is consistently voted the sexiest man in Japan, but I will leave it up to you, intrepid reader, to find out for yourself.

I'm not going to explain this one, so just watch it.

School as Haiku

There are twelve Australian students currently visiting the high school where I work, and I was just asked to translate the instructions to a math worksheet from Japanese into English for them. The instructions were:

As you feel the melancholy of a deepening Autumn, and gazing into the sky brings tears to your eyes, let me cheer you up with a few sentimental questions.

It then went on to talk about the probability of rolling three dice and getting a 13.

Once again my day started when a great poop...

There's a series of one minute cartoons on NHK (Japanese bublic broadcasting) meant to teach children about proper use of the potty, including when to go and what to do when you pee yourself. Naturally, I (The Pope of Poop) am fascinated by this show. Here is the first episode I ever saw, which started my obsession:


The song goes something like this:
"Once again my day started/ when a great poop/ came out so today/ I will be so happy/ will be so happy/ will be so happy!


Here's another classic, this time with English subtitles.


And finally, for a bit of tradition (nationalism, even?), the Japanese-style squat toilet version.


My love affair with Pants Pankurou (specifically Toire-sama, or Great And Honorable Mr. Toilet) has been going strong for some time now, and so for our two-year anniversary, Naoya bought me a giant stuffed Toire-sama.

So Hot Right Now

Currently very trendy in Japan

1. Billy's Boot Camp

2. Yoshio Kojima (seen above parodying Billy's Boot Camp), and you should be glad that I didn't post the six minute clip of his retarded, repetitive schtick.

3. "Bitter Caramel" and "Salt Caramel", two flavors that until recently I had never imagined.

4. The Brain Maker http://nounaimaker.com/ which tells you what you are thinking if you type in your name. My brain is mainly sex and secrets, with a little bit of friends and fun. Naoya is all "vacation," with a tiny speck of "money". Sorry, it's only in Japanese (hence the popularity in Japan).

OP-PA-PI!

How to Keep Fit

Yes, I realize that all I ever talk about is Japanese TV, but the very good reason for that is that Japanese TV is freakin' awesome. Here is a sample from one of my favorite short programs from NHK, the Japanese public broadcasting channel. It is called "Salaryman Taiso" or Salaryman Stretches. Theoretically, it is meant to teach businessmen how to stretch, but really it teaches them how to prance like young deer. Please pay special attention to the English at the end. Also, at one point the announcer suggests having your wife put your shoes on for you, and says that such chores are the basis of a successful marriage. I am so glad we have these people to teach us about successful marriages.