Japan is a wonderland of boybands, nearly all ruled over by the ominous Johnny's Entertainment. They have boy bands with anywhere from two to ten members aged anywhere from their early teens to their early thirties, and they also have an army of hundreds (thousands?) of singing, dancing boys in reserve, just waiting for a chance to debut. The most popular boybands get their own TV shows, but none compare to my beloved SMAP (Sports Music Assemble People), who have a veritable entertainment empire spanning TV shows, movies, commercials, voiceover work, English textbooks, sports commentating and really, really terrible pop music. I love them, and my greatest wish is to one day be a guest on the show where they cook a gourmet meal based on whatever genre or ingredient the guest requests. Here I have posted a video from a recent episode of SMAPxSMAP featuring the BSB (they always sing with their musical guests), so that you can get a glimpse of just how effective the SMAP English textbook really is, and how talented they really are. Also, one of them is consistently voted the sexiest man in Japan, but I will leave it up to you, intrepid reader, to find out for yourself.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
School as Haiku
As you feel the melancholy of a deepening Autumn, and gazing into the sky brings tears to your eyes, let me cheer you up with a few sentimental questions.
It then went on to talk about the probability of rolling three dice and getting a 13.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Once again my day started when a great poop...
The song goes something like this:
"Once again my day started/ when a great poop/ came out so today/ I will be so happy/ will be so happy/ will be so happy!
Here's another classic, this time with English subtitles.
And finally, for a bit of tradition (nationalism, even?), the Japanese-style squat toilet version.
My love affair with Pants Pankurou (specifically Toire-sama, or Great And Honorable Mr. Toilet) has been going strong for some time now, and so for our two-year anniversary, Naoya bought me a giant stuffed Toire-sama.
Friday, September 21, 2007
So Hot Right Now
Currently very trendy in Japan
1. Billy's Boot Camp
2. Yoshio Kojima (seen above parodying Billy's Boot Camp), and you should be glad that I didn't post the six minute clip of his retarded, repetitive schtick.
3. "Bitter Caramel" and "Salt Caramel", two flavors that until recently I had never imagined.
4. The Brain Maker http://nounaimaker.com/ which tells you what you are thinking if you type in your name. My brain is mainly sex and secrets, with a little bit of friends and fun. Naoya is all "vacation," with a tiny speck of "money". Sorry, it's only in Japanese (hence the popularity in Japan).
OP-PA-PI!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
How to Keep Fit
Yes, I realize that all I ever talk about is Japanese TV, but the very good reason for that is that Japanese TV is freakin' awesome. Here is a sample from one of my favorite short programs from NHK, the Japanese public broadcasting channel. It is called "Salaryman Taiso" or Salaryman Stretches. Theoretically, it is meant to teach businessmen how to stretch, but really it teaches them how to prance like young deer. Please pay special attention to the English at the end. Also, at one point the announcer suggests having your wife put your shoes on for you, and says that such chores are the basis of a successful marriage. I am so glad we have these people to teach us about successful marriages.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Just Now On TV
Friday, August 24, 2007
This post has nothing to do with Japan.
It was a Saturday (no classes), so I got up late and took the subway two stops to meet up with my students. On the train, I was standing at a pole between two doors, when the men on either side of new started pulling several large knives out of their coats. Though I had a vague sense that they weren't there to stab me, I was still quite surprised when they began to juggle the knives on a moving train. Because this kind of spectacle can only be enjoyed in countries that allow large knives on the subway, I decided to stay put and take in the cultural experience, which is when the two men started throwing the knives back and forth between them, which just happened to be where I was standing. Eventually the train arrived at my stop, and I excused myself from the cloud of flying blades (they asked for a tip, but I declined as I was concerned that their little show may not have been entirely safe).
In the subway station, as with nearly every subway station, there was a lonely old musician playing for change, but in this particular case it just so happened to be a violinist playing the saddest song I had ever heard in the middle of a long, empty underground passage. He got a tip.
From the exit, I followed one of those "American Beauty" flying plastic bags around the corner towards the school where my students were staying, and came upon a rather bizarre scene. Two middle-aged women were leaning out of a second story window dangling a string with what appeared to be a hook-shaped, black sausage on the end and laughing hysterically. On the street, and old woman with a can was leaping at the sausage and cursing up a storm. Every time the old woman lunged, the two women upstairs would pull the sausage-looking thing just out of her reach, until at last she caught it, snapped the string with her teeth, tucked the object into her purse and walked away, pausing only to shake her fist up at the window. The women upstairs laughed even harder, pulled up the string and lowered it again with something else hanging off of it, and I walked on.
Around the next corner, not ten yards away, I got stuck behind a slow-moving funeral procession, in which all of the mourners walked behind the coffin, which was on the back of a flatbed truck. The procession eventually stopped at the church across the street from the school where my students were staying, and some pallbearers picked up the coffin and entered the church, only to be chased out by the priest. The priest pointed frantically at the coffin, and then at the truck, and the pallbearers set the coffin down on the truck and removed the lid. they then picked up the coffin again, and again were stopped at the door by the priest. Seemingly unflustered, the pallbearers returned the casket to the truck, and then carried just the lid inside. By that point, all of the mourners had entered and, as the church bell sounded, I was alone on the street with the lidless casket. I looked down, and I was standing on a filthy chest x-ray labeled "Pavel". Naturally, I took Pavel home with me.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Future Ex-Wife #62
Tomoko Kawase is the lead singer and lyricist of one of my favorite Japanese bands, the brilliant green. However, I am in love with her more for her solo projects. Most recently, she has been a solo-rocker named Tommy Heavenly6, but prior to that she was Tommy February6, the coolest synth-pop artist in the Universe. The awesomeness of Tommy February6 lies in the concept behind the character: according to Naoya, Ms. Kawase (notice I do not use her married name--to do so would be admitting defeat) modeled the character on her perception of a lame, unpopular, Lisa Frank-type American teenage girl. Below is my favorite of her videos, but those interested should also do a youtube search for "Every Day at the Bus Stop".
What else is awesome about Tommy February6? Her two trademarks: pink microphone and hip flask. Genius.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Omae nanka, nigitte yaru!*
I am currently in love with two Japanese TV dramas. Unlike back in 'merica, series here only run for one season, during which they tell a complete story (this is why Naoya gets so frustrated with Lost, which he suspects will never have a satisfying ending). The first of my loves, Hana Zakari No Kimitachi E (Tuesdays at 9 on Fuji TV), is the story of a girl who impersonates her male friend and enters a high school for hot boys (and ONLY hot boys) and then falls in love with her roommate. The school nurse is gay and thus recognized her instantly for what she was, but was intrigued and decided not to rat her out. One of the subplots involves a boy who falls in love with her (and gets a nosebleed every time she does something effeminate) and begins trying to accept himself as a homosexual. Every episode also features some kind of competition when the top guys of the school try to prove that they are the sexiest, such as when they recently competed to see who could bring the most sexy girls to a beach party. I am convinced that the main character is perhaps the most obvious girl in the history of cross-dressing, but Naoya says that there were boys in his high school who looked like that.
Second is Sushi Oji, The Prince of Sushi (TV Asahi, Friday at 10, I think), the catch phrase of which is the title of this post. Sushi Oji is the story of a boy who abandons his family's tradition of becoming sushi masters in order to become a karate champion, but destiny inevitably draws him back into the seedy world of competitive sushi-ing. There's a lot of fighting and magical martial-arts action, such as Sushi Oji's father using a battle stance to shape a sushi out of a poop and a leaf. I haven't watched this show often enough to know everything (it's hard to stay home and watch TV on Friday night), but apparently fish eyes drive Sushi Oji into a battle frenzy. In last week's episode, he was about to be attacked by 10 bad guys when his assistant through a tuna head at him. His fury reached new levels and his battle power caused a solar eclipse. Sushi Oji is played by Koichi Domoto, one half of Japan's ugliest and lamest boyband, KinKi Kids, a name which is much less exciting than it sounds.
Monday, August 6, 2007
One Man's Treasure
Naoya and Maeve and Naoya and "Maeve"